Supplemental Top Ten Lists

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Top Ten Things The "60 Minutes" Staff Doesn't Want You To Know

10. The stop watch is five minutes fast
 9. Andy Rooney is really two guys in a big suit
 8. Off-camera, Ed Bradley makes interns call him Debbie
 7. Morley Safer?  Born with a furry tail
 6. Diane Sawyer was forced to leave the show after a little 
    problem with petty cash
 5. There hasn't been a new segment since 1989
 4. Nobody actually watches the show, but Nielsen knows what to 
    do to avoid an investigation
 3. Steve Kroft spends a lot of time investigating himself, if 
    you know what I mean
 2. Like Lassie, there have been five different Mike Wallaces
 1. The woman who keeps breaking into my house?  Lesley Stahl


(c) 1993 Verne Gay, Newsday [Reprinted from the 13 November 1993 Houston Chronicle without permission.]

September 8, 1993 [Supplemental list]
From the home office in Washington, D.C.:

Al Gore's Top Ten good things about being Vice-President

10. Police escort gets you to the movies faster.
 9. You know that game, Tetherball?  I got to play tetherball
    with the inventor of tetherball.
 8. After they sign a bill, theres lots of free pens.
 7. If you close your left eye, the seal on the podium reads 
    "President of the United States."
 6. I get intellectual property rights to my speeches.
 5. Dan Quayle and Gerald Ford are pretty easy to beat during 
    Vice President's week on "Jeopardy."
 4. You don't have to be funny to get invited on the Letterman show.
 3. You get to eat all the french fries the President can't get to.
 2. Don't have to be good speller to get the job.
 1. Secret Service code name: "Buttafuoco."

December 22, 1993

Top 10 Reasons I [Bob Costas] Stayed at NBC

10. Love to carpool with Willard
 9. Peacock tattoo on inner thigh deemed unremovable
 8. NBC's new "don't ask, don't tell" policy
 7. Three simple words: Pro Beach Volleyball
 6. I love weasels!
 5. NBC promised to let me play Hoss in the next "Bonanza" remake
 4. I'll be anchoring Nightly News next week when that stiff Brokaw gets
    canned
 3. Promised myself I wouldn't leave until I nailed all of the Golden Girls
 2. Doesn't everyone believe loyalty is more important than money, Dave?
 1. Wait -- I stayed at NBC?  Damn!  What was I thinking?

This list was read by Bob Costas on the Late Show on December 22, 1993.

This list appeared in the Globe magazine on October 5.

Top Ten Secret Reasons Chevy Chase is Doomed

10. His guest supply of movie co-stars will run out fast anyway
 9. His likeness to Hair Club prez Sy Sperling can only draw the
    infomercial crowd for so long
 8. His target audience is his movie fans... and neither of them
    watches Fox
 7. The Fox network is sick of faxing scripts to the Betty Ford clinic
 6. Even that nice Mrs. Ray drives clean past Chevy's house to stake
    out Arsenio's place
 5. Dennis Miller needs the job and has better hair
 4. Mel Tillis made Chevy an offer to team up and hit the road as the
    S-s-s-inging C-c-c-owboys
 3. Hey, it's only the Fox network, after all
 2. Secret FCC regulations limit talk-show hosts to 20 facial tics per
    minute
 1. Even Beavis and Butthead aggree: "Chevy stinks...he-he-he
    he-he-he!"

This list is (C) Globe magazine.  All rights reserved.

This was read by Dave on Chris Berman's end of the year nickname special on ESPN.

Top Ten Nicknames for Chris Berman

 10. Chris "Raymond" Berman
  9. Chris "Rats, mice and other" Berman
  8. Chris "Chris Berman" Berman
  7. Chris "The Berman of Alcatraz" Berman
  6. Chris "Take a lame gimmick and run it into the ground" Berman
  5. Chris "Minor Celebrity" Berman 
  4. Chris "Give me a top 10 list or I'll cut off your Formula One 
            Satellite Feeds" Berman
  3. Chris "I ate a whole turkey for Thanksgiving" Berman
  2. Chris "Hairline going BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK!" Berman
  1. Mrs. Doubtfire!

  (Band tune: theme from "Sportscenter" [dah dah dah, dah dah dah])

*Supplemental List*

Top Ten Possible Names For Demi's New Baby

 10. Beavis
  9. Forklift
  8. Kemo Sabe
  7. Ibuprofen
  6. Siskel
  5. Dr. Pepper
  4. Marmaduke
  3. Manute
  2. Retsyn
  1. Buttafuoco

The following list was read by Dave at "The 16th Annual Kennedy Center Honors" on December 29, 1993.

Top Ten Things We Miss About Johnny

10. Got laughs without cheap gimmicks like top ten list
 9. Carnac more entertaining than psychic friends network
 8. Always gave 110% despite backbreaking 3-day workweek
 7. The way he'd sometimes get confused and accidentally 
  . pay me alimony
 6. Did groundbreaking "cut off your Slauson" jokes years 
  . before anyone had ever heard of Lorena Bobbitt
 5. When he's dressed as Aunt Blabby he's a really good kisser
 4. The way he'd sometimes swat Ed with a rolled newspaper 
  . whenever Ed belched up gin
 3. Thirty-five years on the air and he never once said 
  . "Buttafuoco"
 2. The admirable way he never switched networks just for a 
  . bigger paycheck
 1. His "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding Doc.

Top 10 Reasons David Letterman is going to CBS

(1-15-93 NY Post)

10. Heads CBS, Tails CBS
 9. It makes sense in that I am already commuting with Andy Rooney
 8. At last minute CBS kicked in a new set of Michelens
 7. I've stolen as many GE bulbs as I can fit in my garage
 6. In order to grow as an artist I feel it is important to do the same
    crap on CBS
 5. Tired of being sexual harrassed by Bryant Gumbal
 4. Can't convince them to do a another Triple Cast
 3.           missing
 2. CBS had the best Amy Fisher movie
 1. They insist I wear pants

©1999-2000 Craig R. Hansen, All Rights Reserved.

"The Late Show with David Letterman" top ten lists are ©1993-2000 - WorldWide Pants Incorporated
The PANTS! listing was compiled by Craig "PJ" Hansen and is ©1994-2000 Craig R. Hansen
TopTen lists seen at this site were compiled by Sue Trowbridge, Aaron Barnhart, Stuart Goldman, and Craig R. Hansen.
Lists from Late Night with David Letterman are the intellectual property of NBC (owned by The General Electric Company).